More marriages are in failure mode today than ever before. Countless numbers of couples struggle to find joy in their relationships not realizing they are living with self-inflicted emotional wounds that could have been prevented. Do you want your marriage to fail? Here are four guaranteed ways for your marriage to fail.
Do not talk to each other.
More people get in trouble because they talk more with others than they do their own spouses. It happens all the time. You go to work, talk around the coffee pot, end up with a lunch date, and things magically turn into a relationship you never really intended. Why?
- You substituted talking to your spouse with talking to someone who is not your spouse. When you begin to talk and confide in someone other than your spouse, things can quickly go south.
- You eventually end up living as roommates because there is no conversational intimacy. Both women and men enjoy talking about their dreams and aspirations. The more you talk with your spouse, the better things can be in your marriage.
- If you decide not to talk with your spouse, you’re going to talk with someone. Don’t be stupid! Talk with your spouse!
Want to ruin your marriage? Do not talk to each other!
Do not listen to each other.
Listening is a skill that many of us struggle to grasp. We’re great at talking and want everyone to listen to our opinions. However, when it comes to listening…not so much. Most people struggle with listening because they are selfish. That’s it. That is the root of the issue. We are constantly trying to come up with a response in a conversation that we often miss the main point of the conversation. So, how do we miss the main point? I believe selfishness is the root. We often care more about what we know rather than learn what others need. When you listen to your spouse, you learn new things. When you listen to yourself, you learn what you already know. It’s important to give your marriage a shot and listen to your spouse. All they want is someone to show genuine attention through compassion and listening. They don’t always want you to fix their issues. Sometimes, there is nothing we can do about their issues. But, we can listen and provide a safe place for them to express themselves without fear of retribution.
Want to ruin your marriage? Do not listen to each other!
Do not respect each other.
“I respect my wife!” I don’t know how many times I’ve heard it, but it is often disingenuous. Generally when a husband says, “I respect my wife!” they are in defensive mode and trying to justify something they did. As people, we need respect. We need affirmation. We need that kind of love. How does disrespect look?
- When you say degrading things to your spouse in private or public.
- When you talk over your spouse.
- When you think of yourself more highly than your spouse.
Want to ruin your marriage? Do not respect each other.
Do not commit to each other.
The altar candles flicker as the two become one. The wedding ceremony was perfect and the soloists were right on key. The junior bridesmaid didn’t fall on the floor kicking and screaming, and you didn’t forget the vows. All is done and away in the limousine you go. The honeymoon was great and now comes the new normal. Everything goes fairly well for the first couple of years until those dreaded words escape from the mouth. “Maybe we should have never gotten married!” It doesn’t matter who said it, why it was said, when it was said, or if you even really meant it. It was said. Now you have allowed the doom of doubt to enter your marriage. Neither one of you are confident in the commitment you once made. Everything is suspect. Every text, every phone call, and every conversation allows doubt to slowly creep into your thoughts. Every moment seems captured by questionable commitment. What do you do? You begin to question your own commitment and love for your spouse.
Want to ruin your marriage? Do not commit to each other.
It’s really up to you! Learn to intentionally talk with each other, carefully listen to each other, unashamedly respect each other, and passionately commit to each other.
What steps can you take to avoid these pitfalls?
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