Be completely humble and gentle; be patient,
bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:2
Affirming relationships are impossible to achieve! I’ve had it with people. How about you? Can you believe how they act, talk, and the ridiculous attitude they display? I mean, always complaining and trying to get their way in every situation. They are selfish and do what they can to hurt others. Let’s be honest. Life would be so much better if everyone were like me. I’m nearly perfect. Just ask me. I’m hardly ever wrong, and everyone loves me. In fact, I live for the high fives of others. If you ask others, they would tell you I’m their favorite person EVER!
If you think the preceding paragraph describes me, I have some water in the ocean I’d love to sell you. However, do you know people who live with that kind of attitude? I bet those are the people you prefer to avoid at all costs. However, sometimes it is impossible to avoid their company. When you can’t, what do you do?
Humility is a Foundation for Affirming Relationships
Humility is hard because it assesses ourselves appropriately. It doesn’t mean that we somehow put on the shroud of a monk and walk around with sad faces and speak to no one. It isn’t a state of mind that says we are horrible, and others are perfect. It is rightly viewing ourselves in light of the highest standard given to us. God’s standard. His standard is an impossible standard to meet, so our complete humility he’s us to interact with others in a way that is entirely appropriate. This is generally counter to our instinct of thinking we are the center of our world, so it isn’t easy. But it is a great way to open ourselves to grow and affirm relationships with others.
Gentleness Cultivates Positive Affirming Relationships
The most gentle man I knew was my grandfather. He was a man who handled his business partners, associates, and customers with gentleness. He was a very kind man, and for the most part, even-tempered. I’ve also known people who were extremely rough around the edges and didn’t relate well to others because they rubbed people like coarse sandpaper. By their actions, these people drive people away from getting close for fear of being verbally and emotionally battered. Gentleness is a key attribute that will get you far down the road towards productive and positive relationships.
I know it sounds like you’re “giving in” to your wants and needs in a relationship, but in actuality, you are relating to people in a way that shows respect and concern about their problems while putting yours on the back burner for a while. Is this something you can do? Can you listen to your friend talk about his or her marriage relationship and respond with gentleness? Can you shank your golf shot and respond without throwing your club 40 yards into the woods?
Others are looking for someone who will respond to them gently and help them to grow. Can you be that person?
Patience with Love is Affirming for those who Need it Most
Showing patience is always a struggle. I can’t count the number of times I’ve asked for patience when dealing with others and their “issues’ in life. I think God needs to give me the patience to deal with myself. More often than not, the problems I have is me. Anybody else live in that world? Don’t get me wrong. I love people. I just think they take the long way home. If they only did things the way I told them to, it would all work out much better than if not. That doesn’t sound prideful at all, does it? Our patience with their progress is the way that helps them succeed.
Notice what Paul says here. He says love, not obligation, should be our motivation when we express patience. The legalistic view of patience says we should do what we do out of a desire to keep the rule God gave us. However, the correct view is that we should do what we do out of love for God and others. Patience should be a reflection of our love.
So what is the bottom line? I believe it is our perspective. We have to look at others through a lens of humility with a gentle spirit and demonstrate real patience driven by a selfless love that puts the interests of others before our interests. Let me tell you; it isn’t easy. But when you do this, it changes the way you interact with others and how they interact with you.
Will you take the challenge to love others patiently and practice humility and gentleness when dealing and interacting with others? It does make a difference.