Do not contend with a man for no reason, when he has done you no harm.
Proverbs 3:30
There is always that person. You know who it is, and they continue to pull your chain. They push your buttons. Have you figured it out yet? Do you have a name? Let me dig a little deeper. This person is continually argumentative towards you and wears you out. It could be a spouse, or it could be a friend. They make it their sole purpose to wear you out. You can’t say or do anything without being judged for your words or actions. Can you name that person now?
Do not contend with a man for no reason
Contend means disagreeing with someone. When I read this, I ask the question, “So for what reason do we contend with a person?” I believe there are definite reasons we should contend, and while many of these reasons are very personal to us, we should take special care when traveling down this road. When someone goes against or incorrectly interprets Scripture, it is time to contend. Please understand, contending is not fighting. It is disagreeing.
God made us all different, and we think differently. So we do often disagree with people. That’s no sin. The sin comes when we unnecessarily quarrel with someone for no reason. We shouldn’t contend with someone just because we think we can win the argument. The contention comes because the disagreement is worth the investment of your time.
There are, however, several problems with contending. First, contending is habit-forming, just like any other activity. And because it can be harmful, we should do everything we can to keep from developing this habit. Your life is not one big debate team. It is not your job to take home the debate team trophy. Harmful habits, like useless contention, waste our time.
Second, when contending, we should guard against conflict. Contending is the vehicle where the conversation becomes a conflict. Opposing views with immovable positions foster irreconcilable conflicts. Imagine having a conversation with a friend, and you both disagree. Then you say something that sets your friend off. Now you escalate things to the point of conflict, and conflict is much more challenging to resolve.
Especially when he had done you no harm
Again, when you disagree with someone who hasn’t harmed you, you’re picking a fight. I had a friend who said things to pick a fight just because he liked to fight. He lived in a life and culture of conflict, and it didn’t matter if you did anything to cause trouble with him. He would start a fight. His words cut and hurt others, and he used them as a weapon against people who never hurt him. He alienated people and damaged them with his words.
So how do we fight against the temptation of contending with others for no reason? I realize it isn’t easy, but we need to exercise self-control and treat others more highly than we would treat ourselves. Sometimes it’s better to say nothing than to say something that will cause you much more emotional investment down the road.
I find this verse interesting because it targets those who create hollow weapons of words that promote conflict. I’ve always said you have to choose your battles, and most battles aren’t worth choosing. I want to encourage you today to think about how you engage with others. What topics or ideas are you willing to disagree with and attempt to reconcile with others?
Listen first, pray second, and then determine what to do next.