She looked so beautiful walking down that aisle. My lip quivered because of the flood of emotions. I was so young. She was so young. I look back at the pictures, and we were just babies! We moved into our apartment, bought our first house, had our first child, bought our first minivan, and then life began to run on autopilot. We started doing life.
Just doing life creates roommates
Everyone’s busy. It seems like every day brings with it more tasks to complete, more things to do, and more anxiety to overcome. How do others handle it? Is there some superpower that allows others to manage their lives, so stress and anxiety become obsolete? If so, I want it. Maybe it’s a shield like Captain America or the ability to beat anything like Iron Man. Sadly, there is no superpower. Only past experiences and a commitment to take a deep breath seem to help.
Doing life can create the illusion of roommates. Roommates are a great thing if you’re in college, but it is less than ideal if you’re in a marriage. A real separation causes staleness to invade the love we once had for our spouses, and like strangers, we begin to cross paths with less and less interest. Our busyness causes loneliness. And our loneliness creates distractions.
Just doing life creates distractions
SQUIRREL!!! No one is more distracted than me. Working, cleaning, friendships, school, and children can all be distractions. Those distractions often move my attention from where it needs to be to some imaginary squirrel running up a tree. My spouse needs my attention, and I’m focused on the distractions. I know what you’re saying. “My children are not a distraction. They’re my responsibility.” While it is true that your children are your responsibility, your spouse always comes first.
Think about it. One day your children will be out on their own, continuing to create and solve their problems. I promise it will happen. Don’t wait until then to make your marriage a priority. If you do, you may not have a marriage to salvage.
BE INTENTIONAL TO FOCUS ON THE MOST IMPORTANT THING…
If you don’t, you will become increasingly discouraged.
Just doing life creates discouragement
When there seems like there are no answers and discouragement sets in, you have to fight to rediscover that joy you once had in your relationship with your spouse. Fight to rediscover the fun you once experienced in your relationship with your spouse.
This comes with a warning…
If you plan to “just do life” and not focus on your spouse, I want to encourage you to lower your expectations for your marriage. Nothing will change, and everything will continue to seem like an impending disaster is only days away.
But, if you do MORE than “just life,” your relationship will grow and flourish.
Roommates will turn into life-mates, distractions will cease to interfere with your intention to love your spouse in tangible ways, and you will be so less discouraged in your forever relationship.
QUIT JUST DOING LIFE
Have a fantastic rest of your week!
Tommy
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