Dungeons and Dragons, Lord of the Rings, Super Heroes, and Science Fiction movies all take us into the land of fantasy and transform us into other worlds and story lines that cause us to cheer for the underdogs, believe in the unbelievable, and expect the good guys to win at the end of the day. We pay exorbitant amounts of money for tickets, oversized movie snacks, and drinks with endless refills. For two hours we drift off into another world while being sucked into the story. We cry, laugh, feel pain, and suffer as we see villains win and good people lose. Most movies end well and we go home trying to figure out when the sequel will be on the big screen. We’re captured! Seriously! Our minds, thoughts, and imaginations are held captive as the lights dim in the theater and the music begins to play. For the next two hours no problems, worries, issues, or weekly chores consume your thoughts. It’s all about the story. It’s all about the actors. It’s all about the music. It’s all about being captured by the movie.
I refuse to do any research or seek information about the book or movie that has caused such a stir in so many communities. I’ve seen college girls reading the book on the beach while living the fantasy of bondage and disturbing sexual activities. I’ve read Facebook posts about going to the movies with friends. I’ve seen NBC even talking about a “50 Shades of Grey” party after the first weekend in theaters. What I find interesting is that women seem more excited about the book and movie than men. So, what’s the big deal? It is curious because men are more prone to visual attraction than women. Women read the book and created their own images of the two main characters. With the movie, the characters are already created and are on the screen for all to watch. While thinking about this, I came up with a few questions you might want to ask before considering spending more than you should, to see more than you need to see, that will cause you to think less and less of Christ and more and more of sinful, selfish, and deviant behavior.
Here are the questions.
Why is God’s intended purpose and plan for intimacy never enough?
It’s simple. God’s intended purpose and plan for intimacy is one man for one woman within the context of marriage (Genesis 2:24). God considers anything other than that to be sin.
Why do we view intimacy with our spouse through a cultural lens that disregards God’s word as the standard for living?
Culture says anything goes. Culture says sexual freedom is the highest form of physical expression. Culture says marriage isn’t necessary for sexual experimentation. Culture says intimacy isn’t necessary for sexual activity. In essence, culture has removed intimacy from sexual activity and redefined it as solely a physical experience to be selfishly enjoyed, often at the expense of someone else. We view intimacy with our spouse through a cultural lens because we choose to disregard God’s word as the standard. Life is about choices, and this choice could be emotionally, physically, and spiritually destructive.
Is a man exerting authority and force (rape) over a woman God’s intended design for intimacy and marriage? If not, why are people so quick to live someone else’s sick and perverse fantasy that devalues women?
Absolutely not! First, a man is to honor and cherish his spouse as if she were fine china. Scripture never asks us to think of our spouses as everyday, throwaway paper plates. Imagine if you viewed your wife as something to be used and thrown away after it was used. Wives are weaker because they are more precious and valuable…just like fine china.
Second, a woman who would allow her husband to exert the kind of physical authority and force over her should seek God’s word as counsel (Ephesians 5:33). I can’t even think of a reason a woman should allow a man to use force against her and treat her as something less than trash.
I also believe curiosity is potentially the most negative influence affecting the Christian culture. It is because curiosity causes us to do things we normally would not do because we are so driven to satisfy the curiosity. Millions of curious people purchase a book and many pre-order tickets for the first-weekend showing of the graphic and fantasy-filled movie. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it will also create a voyeuristic cancer that will affect thousands of marriages in a devastating way.
How do we take every thought captive when we introduce scenes where men devalue women and reduce them to a source of selfish pleasure (2 Corinthians 10:5)?
“50 Shades of Grey” is no romance novel. It is an immoral view of intimacy. This is where it becomes important to “take every thought captive to obey Christ.” In the area of sexual intimacy, we tend to desire those things that will bring the greatest pleasure. However, it is important to remember not to allow culture create that definition. Paul says, “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Corinthians 7:4). This does not mean that the husband should exercise authority over his wife’s body for his own selfish desires. The essence of this verse is that a wife or husband should not withhold sexual intimacy because the temptation will grow so strong that one of the partners may stray and commit adultery. This command is stated to keep spouses from straying like dogs into another’s backyard. When we expose our minds to glorified sexual immorality, it really does affect our minds.
What are the long-term effects on our minds when we “conform them to the world” rather than transform them by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:1-2)?
God wires our minds in such a unique way. We can remember hundreds of phone numbers, our driver’s license number, our social security number, our shoe size, shirt size, pant size, dress size, address, and so many other things. We have an amazing capacity to remember visual pictures more than we do names. That is why we can remember a person’s face more often than their name. This is why viewing a movie like this is so destructive. It puts visual pictures in our minds that are so difficult to erase. Not only are they difficult to erase, but once in our minds these pictures begin to fill the space intended for God’s word. Does that make sense? Paul tells us in Romans 12 that we are to continue to renew our minds through the reading and study of God’s word. The mind is not a two-bedroom apartment where multiple owners reside. When we give our lives to Christ, the Holy Spirit takes up residence. Our body is no longer ours, but Christ’s (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
The long-term effects of this movie are not yet known, but anything that attempts to redefine sexual intimacy as something outside the context of marriage and devaluing to the partner does not honor God. At a minimum, it creates a very distorted view of marriage and causes us to question God’s definition of intimacy in marriage.
If we choose to take every thought captive, what happens when we are faced with an opportunity to decide whether or whether not to read a certain book or view a certain movie? How do we choose?
This is easy. We just don’t read the book or go to the movie. The book and movie were masterfully named and push a modern day selfish theology that says, “I should do what makes me happy at any expense.” No strings attached. No relationship required. No relational expectations. No children. No family. No anything but selfish pleasure and fun at someone else’s expense.
How do you choose? I think you take Paul’s advice given in Philippians 4:8.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Do you want to be someone who remains happily married for 50 years, or someone who remains curious and unsatisfied with God’s plan and prescription for an amazing journey with your spouse? Choose wisely…..50 years is a long time to settle for something less than God’s best!
FamilyLife has a great resource to help you further understand God’s intended purpose for intimacy and marriage titled, “Embracing God’s Purpose for Marriage.”