Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. ~ James 1:19
I have to be honest with you. James 1:19 is one of the most challenging things for me to practice. I sometimes think I have some genetic disposition to speak before I think. I am often very reactionary and overprotective of people I love the most. If someone hurts my family, I am quick to speak whether I’ve thought through my response or not. I react rather than reflect. My mouth opens, and something comes out. It can be hurtful and not helpful in many situations. I have to work very hard to consider what I’m saying before I say it. Am I perfect? No. Am I a work in progress? Absolutely.
I can remember hearing about someone saying something about my son to a group of people that was very hurtful to our family. It was said in a judging way and was completely wrong and meant to be damaging. It made me furious, and I was on the verge of making a phone call and giving that person a piece of my mind. No one hurts my family. The only problem is that my mind wasn’t engaged at all, just my mouth. If I had made that phone call, I would have sinned and scarred my testimony. Did I make that phone call? Nope. I chose not to call. Was I angry? Yes.
James gives us some great advice when he says to be quick to hear and slow to speak. Let’s look at this verse a little closer.
Quick to hear
There is a good reason that James encourages us to hear first. There’s no doubt in my mind that James wanted us to know that hearing was more important than speaking. Quality listening is no accident. I have always said it is essential to listen for understanding before speaking to inform. The meaning is to actively listen with intentionality. It does not mean to halfway listen or just appease someone while waiting to lob a nuclear blast towards them with your comments.
Think about the last time you spoke without thinking. When was the last time you spoke before listening to others? It is critical to listen to others before responding. There will be times when you don’t need to respond at all. Suppose you have a friend who is going through a tough time. She tells you about a situation that is troubling but doesn’t need any advice from you. It would be better just to listen and be there than to try and fix her situation. Some situations only require your presence, not your problem-solving.
Slow to speak
This is the most difficult of all things. I’m confident that we are quick to talk because we think we have all the answers to life’s problems. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but neither you or I have the answers to all of life’s problems. We have far fewer answers than we think. And the problem seems to increase as we get older. An older gentleman told me years ago that he had lived long enough to say what he thought. While we both laughed at that comment, it was not biblical.
James wrote this verse in the context of anger. So we must think about it that way.
Quick speaking frequently produces unintended consequences. People get hurt. Relationships become dysfunctional, conversations become heated, and nothing accomplished. Ultimately, no one sleeps.
We should become smarter and more discerning as we get older, but most of us struggle in that area. We feel some entitlement to “speak our mind.” I want to encourage you to listen intentionally for understanding before you speak. And when you speak, speak with great discernment and wisdom (James 1:5).
Those who reflect before speaking will speak with greater wisdom.
Slow to anger
So what is the result of not following James’ instruction for us? Anger is the result. When we speak quickly without intentionally listening for understanding, we become angry, and that anger guides our speech. When anger controls our speech, it becomes a source of contention and broken relationships.
Think about your own life. How many relationships have you broken because of your quick speech and minimal hearing?
Anger is like a virus. When you become angry with someone, it often spreads to that someone. When two people are angry with each other, that anger fuels the fury. People get hurt and make unwise decisions.
If you’re honest with yourself, I believe you have to agree that you struggle in this area from time to time.
Some people say, “I’m just human, so I’m going to struggle in this area as long as I live, and it’s fine. God understands.” While it may be true that you struggle with this, it is not true that God is fine with this. He wants us to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) in our hearing and our speech. Will you follow God’s desire for you in this area?
A prayer…
Lord, I struggle in so many areas, and today I am asking You to help me listen better and speak less. You have given me Scripture to understand how I am to relate to others and also how I am to respond with love and not anger. I can’t do this by myself, and I need your help. Will you please help me be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger? I desperately need your help. I submit my will to Yours so that You can do that amazing and transformational work in my life.