Many years ago, Jesus began a small group ministry with 12 untrained and uneducated men. The simple instructions were to “follow him.” If I were one of the disciples, I think I would want a little more information before making such a life-changing and demanding decision. Not these guys. The request was to follow and the response was to follow. I find two things curious about Jesus’ disciples. First, that they were so willing to follow and second, that they were so willing to learn. Jesus and His disciples modeled effective small group ministry as they spent time together, talked, listened, discussed, learned, disagreed, reconciled, and were eager to learn more and more about becoming effective disciples. They didn’t always get it right, but it was evident that the intention was there. Here are a few tips to help you be a better member of a small group.
Spend Time Together
Jesus and His disciples spent more time together than they did apart. Their relationships together were a priority. When you as a small group member intentionally decide to make your small group relationships a priority, good things happen. The more time you spend together, the closer you grow to each other. This leads to effectively and specifically praying for your small group family. Now, I also realize that spending more time with each other may cause you to become irritated with some of your small group family. Remember, you are a family, so work through those issues like you would in your own family! No profanity, spitting, fist fighting, or slapping!
Be Quick to Listen and Slow to Speak
So often people in your small groups want to talk and not listen. Peter, one of Jesus’ disciples, is a perfect example of this. He always wanted to talk first and listen second. It took Peter several years to understand the importance of listening. I find when I talk, the only thing I learn is what I already know. But, when someone else speaks, I tend to learn from them. Realizing that others may know something that you don’t know is a tough lesson to learn. But, once you learn that lesson, you begin to learn so much more. Think before you respond and it will improve your ability and opportunity to learn.
Transparency is your Friend
No man is very comfortable with transparency because it is often considered a sign of weakness. In fact, women are actually better at this skill than men. If you are married you know what I mean! Transparency in your small group family is important because it is where healing and helping begin. None of your group members can offer help, specific prayers, or encouragement to you if you are not transparent with your needs and current life situation. Transparency is developed over time and is a critical skill every small group member should posses. Again, that is why it is important to spend time together.
Time + Humility + Desire = Transparency!
Learn from Disagreement
Many small group members fear disagreement in their groups. They believe that disagreement is somehow sinful and should be avoided. Let me be clear, disagreement is healthy, but conflict is unhealthy. Disagreement is issue oriented but conflict turns personal. While conflict and personal verbal shots taken at one another are not advised, I do look at disagreement as an opportunity to learn from another’s point of view. Disagreement is only dangerous when things become personal. Be careful to not become personal with your point of view on an issue. If you become combative, you just changed the rules. You can disagree without calling names or cutting another person apart.
Your Story May Help Someone Else
Who knows? Everyone has a story to tell and your story is important. That doesn’t mean you need to go to your small group meeting with the personal agenda of telling your life story EVERY WEEK so that people can know how important you are and how many struggles you’ve overcome in your life. While your story can really encourage others,beselectiveas to how and when you will use the story God created in your life! It can certainly encourage others, but it can also annoy them!
Expect the Unexpected
Expect it! Every group meeting is different. Sometimes the host family has a toilet that overflows…..and it’s your fault! What do you do? Now that’s an unexpected CRISIS! Maybe people forget to bring snacks. One night in our small group meeting the power went out and we continued with our meeting. Whatever it is in your group, be ready for it. Not only expect the unexpected, but embrace it and show your flexibility!
If You Don’t Understand, Ask!
There will be times when you don’t understand a response or position in your small group. Ask for clarification and seek to understand. Oftentimes, the way you learn and grow is to stretch your understanding of a situation or solution to an issue or problem. You might think your question is not relevant or that you’re the only one in the group who doesn’t understand. But, you might also be surprised to know that you aren’t the only one who is confused about a position, response, or issue. A large part of transparency is to ask questions when you don’t understand.
You Don’t Know it All
I end with this one because it may be the most important. The more you realize your own limitations, the more likely you are to learn. When you approach a small group with the idea that you know it all, there is really no reason for you to be there except to teach everyone else. I’ve met many people throughout my lifetime and have never met anyone who knew everything. There are people who have great life experiences and knowledge, but they do not know it all. That means it’s not likely that we know it all either. So, humble yourself and allow God to use others in your small group to minister to you.
At the end of the day, your small group family should be a priority in your life. You should strengthen those relationships and allow them to strengthen your relationship with the Lord. There is something special about a family and there is something special about your small group! Remember, the more you invest, the more you receive!
