Love does not boast ~1 Corinthians 13:4
As I look back over my marriage, I can identify times when my arrogance and pride caused problems in my relationship with my wife. Sometimes I’m just a man with no sense. I thought I could get points with my wife. I remember one afternoon when she was out running errands, I decided to do a fantastic thing. I unloaded the dishwasher. That was a good thing. It was the right thing. I should have been motivated by my love for my wife to do what I could do to pull my weight in the family. However, when she came home from running those errands to keep the household in order, I was so proud of what I did. I mean…I unloaded the dishwasher. So, I did something very dumb. I told my wife, “Hi, honey. While you were gone, I unloaded the dishwasher.”
I want you newly married men to listen to this. NEVER SAY THAT TO YOUR WIFE. Why? Because it comes from the root of pride way down somewhere in your heart. That is where it needs to stay.
Love has no place for pride
The only way for hard-headed men like me to learn is by messing things up. I unloaded the dishwasher, but my heart was prideful. Here’s what happens. When we bring attention to those things we do or have done in a relationship, it minimizes the other party in the relationship. My wife is so amazing and does so much to keep things running around the house. I honestly don’t know what I would do without her to keep me straight and handle so much.
The fact that I unloaded the dishwasher did not impress her. That 5-minute cleaning activity did not compare to the 3-hour shopping trip to buy groceries, pick up medicines, pick out new shirts for me, and skipping lunch to do it all. So I guess you can see the difference? Yes. She is amazingly giving, and I was amazingly dumb.
In our relationship, I tried to bring attention to myself and what I did. Anytime you have to bring attention to your accomplishments in a relationship, you’re messing up.
We should love others by serving them without any expectation of recognition or accolades. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This love is a self-sacrificing love that brings no attention to itself. It is a love that is empty of pride.
When we put our pride aside, and Jesus inside, things tend to work out much better for us. And by the way, at our house, the dishwasher just magically empties itself now, and no one (me) EVER takes the credit. I can’t believe it took me so long to learn that lesson!
Some Questions…
- How do you take credit for things in your relationships? Do you find this is helpful or hurtful?
- When is the last time you encouraged your friend by recognizing their contributions to your relationship?
- What are some ways that you can encourage a healthy “non-prideful” relationship with some of your close friends?