Quality time communicates value

Sometimes when I talk about quality time in terms of relationships, people think I’m only talking about dating and marriage. I’m not. Quality time is not just for dating or married couples. It should be part of any relationship you want to develop.

The main reason quality time is important is that it does communicate value. Let’s face it. You really only hang out with people you like. This is quality time.

Quality time means that you choose the relationship over other things you could be doing. When I choose to spend time with a coworker it shows them that I value them. Let me give you an example.

When I first started my journey in ministry I was a young newly married guy with a baby in the house. Steve was my boss at that time and was a retired “full-bird” colonel in the army. He told me he wanted to spend “quality time” with me in staff meetings on Monday mornings. I thought that would be great and I appreciated his willingness to invest in me.

The only problem was he wanted to meet at the river landing at 6 am. Rain or shine. I felt valued, but I was hoping he would value me a little later in the day. Oh, did I tell you he wanted to meet on his fishing boat every Monday? That’s right. We fished every Monday morning at 6 am. There’s nothing like a nice cup of early morning value!

Quality time offers adventure

What an adventure. 6 am was early on Mondays because I had to wake up at 5 am just to make it on time. So you can imagine that Mondays were always bad hair days. But what an adventure.

He taught me so much about fishing. He taught me how to launch and land a boat the right way. He taught me how to tie so many knots in fishing lines and in ropes tied to trees. And if I messed up the know he would show me how to do it and I would have to do it again. He taught me how to get out of the boat and push it off a sand bar. He taught me how to pray fearlessly as the waves of a rising river were splashing into the boat. By the way, I thought I was going to die that day. But most of all, those adventures on Monday morning demonstrated that he cared about me and was willing to teach so many leadership lessons on the boat. He taught me about life. I will always cherish his investment in me and the adventures on the boat. On a side note…we did catch and clean a bunch of fish.

When is the last time you had an adventure with a close personal friend or spouse? Why not try it and go somewhere you’ve never been. Do something you’ve never done. Experience adventure as you grow in your relationships!

Quality time requires sacrifice

Sacrifice is a choice. If you want to really show that you value your relationships you must sacrifice something and embrace something. You sacrifice the good and embrace the better.

It would be good for me to sleep in on Monday mornings, but it was better for me to land a boat! I was not an early riser until I had to be an early riser. Steve asked me to be at the boat landing at 6 am on Mondays.

He could have been anywhere else. He could have been at breakfast with another person in the church. He could have been in the bed…..WHERE HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN! But he sacrificed other things to be available to me so he could invest in me.

Sacrifice is something that both people must agree to if relationships are going to improve. I blocked out my Monday morning calendar and he blocked out his Monday morning calendar so that we could spend time together. When you sacrifice for a relationship, you get to spend quality time with the other person. We both chose the better instead of the good.

Just a closing thought

When you experience a value-giving, adventure-loving, and sacrifice-choosing relationship both parties will grow. Both will experience a value-added relationship. Anything worth having is worth investing in. If you own a house and never invest in that house, it will eventually fall apart. The same is true with your health, cars, and anything you might own. If you don’t invest in them…..they will fall apart.

A few questions…

When you look at your life which relationships seem to be in crisis?

Why do you think those relationships are in crisis?

How can you spend time adding value, enjoying the adventure, and sacrificing your time to help develop healthy relationships?