Many of us grew up with the impression that tears were a result of some emotional weakness, instability, or immaturity.
You’ve probably heard, “You’re nothing but a crybaby!” or “Big boys don’t cry” or “You’re just so emotional.” These statements are not accurate and are generally said by those who are disguising and covering their emotional feelings.
A deep investment in relationships produces tears, and those tears are often a consequence of difficult and passion-filled conversations about deeply held beliefs and convictions. While it is painful, it can also be very therapeutic.
Passion-Filled Conversations
Passion-filled and tear-producing conversations are difficult. When you feel so strongly about an issue, it ignites an emotional fire in you, and those flames tend to produce and cause the tears to flow. It’s going to be okay.
That’s why these are difficult conversations.
And whether you have literal tears or are only hurting so badly because of your position on a specific topic, the pain is real and often lingers.
If you’re already riding an emotional roller coaster tears will come quickly for you. Tears are not a sign of weakness but your passion and investment in the relationship.
Pain-Filled Conversations
Who wakes up in the morning looking for pain? I’m not talking about knee pain, joint pain, back pain, and a full-blown, all-day headache. I’m talking about the pain of emotional conversations that must take place to live in harmony with others.
My guess is that no one wakes up wanting to experience that. I’ve had many sleepless nights contemplating my next move in some painful conversations that need to happen. There’s no need to lose sleep. Just realize that pain is part of working through relationship issues.
If you’re not hurting, you’re not healing! I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Sometimes things must get worse before they get better.
Prevention-Filled Conversations
I know what some of you are saying. “If pain is food for growth, then I’m an over-eater!” You may be right!
Just remember, authentic reconciliation does not happen in the context of martyrdom. You can’t play the martyr and expect healing to occur. Generally, there are two sides to every disagreement, and humility has to be the driving force behind reconciliation.
Humility gives us an avenue for tears to flow. I’m not saying you should walk around blubbering and blowing your nose because of the tears. That would be gross. I’m encouraging you to have conversations that will help prevent harder conversations.
You will experience many failed attempts at reconciliation if pride controls your actions. The only way to fully allow painful and tear-filled conversations to produce reconciliation is to put ego aside and let the medicine of humility to help restore and recharge your relationships.
The best prevention to experience healthy relationships is to approach others with humility. Remember, we can’t possibly always be right!
Here’s the Bottom Line
Don’t ignore hard conversations. They may be painful, but don’t ignore them. Pain that leads to tears indicates your investment in the relationship is authentic.
The main reason people decide to not engage in these hard conversations is that they look at these relationships as insignificant or issues as unimportant.
The more you invest in a relationship, the more hard conversations you are likely to experience. This investment isn’t a bad thing. It’s a growth thing.
When complicated issues appear in relationships, those issues are like cancer. They become deadly if not quickly resolved. I remember causing my wife hurt and pain over a particular disagreement. Do you know what I experienced? Loss of sleep, walking on eggshells, and increasing anger. All of which were horrible and unnecessary.
Ever lose sleep because of unsettled disagreements? I have. And it’s miserable. Don’t do it!
When you hesitate to have hard conversations, you are ignoring one of the most amazing ways to keep the train on the tracks.
A few questions for you
- Which relationships do you consider important enough to have hard conversations if needed?
- What plan do you have for addressing the hard conversations needed in your important relationships?
- How can you express humility through hard conversations?
Check out this related article – Compassion in Crisis